Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Our Unofficial Family Protocol

1. There's no need to apologize for kids being kids. "I'm sorry my kids cried impatiently while they were tied down next to candy they weren't allowed to touch while waiting in line at the one checkout for people buying more than a 6-pack,” never needs to be said.

2. Only laugh at someone's toothpaste rolling style, disgust for stickers, Lysol obsession, etc., if they laugh first.

Stickers. Gross.
3. Say "yes" to as many requests as possible.

"YES, you may keep that, but you have to carry it home."
4. The person who folds the laundry gets credit for the entire load, regardless of who started it or moved it to the dryer. 

5. The weight of a person's opinion about how a task gets done is directly proportional to both the frequency and recency of that person's completion of the task in question.

6. How to begin those conversations when you feel like the other person is 100% wrong, and the only thing you did wrong was not tell them sooner how wrong they are: ”When you _________, I feel ________, I need [for you to] _________.”

7. The dog probably shouldn't outdo one's excitement when a significant other gets home from work. Unless the dog is a lab puppy or chihuahua.

8. A rotating chore chart isn't always the best solution. There's nothing wrong with specialization of labor, as long as the same person isn't specialized in all the labor.
9. If one person's home with the kids, their job is to keep the kids alive. Cooking, cleaning, and washing are all extras.

If, by chance, some laundry gets done on the side, more power to you.
10. #9 is non-negotiable. 

11. If one person is home with the kids, no matter how crappy the other person's day is, or how crappy their job is, or how crappy their boss is, the person home with the kids had a harder day.

Yesterday we only read this book 18 times. Today, let's make it 27!
12. A question that never gets asked of a kid younger than five: "Do you feel like taking a nap?" Because whether or not they feel like taking a nap is irrelevant.
"Nooooo!! I don't need a nap!" Obviously.
13. If there's not a way for kids to participate, just do it during nap time, after bedtime, in ten years, or not at all.

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